moving right along....

i've had a lot to say but not anyway to make it come out... my weird dreams are back again... i started to new year with a bunch of my friends that i hope to spend the new year with. my workout partner and the gym guy werent going to let me stay home (and i will admit now, pout and feel sorry for myself). we ended up cruising around checking out different places like the three bears...the first place was too boring, the second place was too sketchy and the third place was just right. we all just sat around and talked, laughed, and didnt have to do much else because that was enough...i miss big groups of people who all joke and laugh and just want to be together....my friends are so scattered that that doesnt happen very often.... the next night rose and i went to the jump dances...the jump dances are held only at this time of year...i'm not an authority on any of it but i know this...the salish people believe that we should make wishes and prayers for the year to come--for ourselves, our families, our tribal people and the world in general....as we dance in the circle each section represents the four seasons and when you dance you are committing to those prayers. the songs sung are songs that are only brought out during this time of year and will be put away before the season is over. its also an affirmative motion to let go of the past and step forward into the future, to "make your tracks". i am always proud of my girl that she remembers that somethings are more important than hanging with her homies all the time...she missed her friends birthday party to be there with me. she also knows that she has a commitment to her little cousins because they look up to her and she shows them that this a good way to live, that being a salish is a good thing to be and that as a family its a good thing to pray together.... plus she can take them to the bathroom.... it was hard too because i am trying to let go of the past, but this ceremony always had a huge significance in my relationship with jb. part of me was afraid he would be there but part of me was sad when he wasnt...he shouldnt miss out on these things just to avoid what will pass as an uncomfortable moment. i dont know that thats the reason he wasnt there but i suspect it might have been. i made many wishes for all of us....and i cried some tears to get there....but all in all, i'm moving right along.