jealousy is an ugly pill

i think honesty is good...great actually... i am jealous...i am jealous of all the girls i grew up with who couldnt have cared less about getting married....who are...who didnt really want a bunch of kids...who have them...who had the big fancy wedding with prince charming but never really dreamed of it.. because thats what i wanted...and at 36 dont have...and may never have...when i was little i wanted very few things...i wanted to get married and live happily ever after with lots of kids....6 or more...i know i know...but its truly what i wanted....and honestly i didnt care about anything else...fame, fortune, education...nothing because those were and are my biggest dreams.... and i dont have them...dont get me wrong i am eternally grateful for the child i have...but i NEVER dreamed that she would be an only child...and as the years passed it felt as though i failed her more and more by giving her no siblings... all of the other dreams i had...to be a singer.... a lawyer...a writer...never mattered to me as much as being married...as much as having children and i am jealous.... because i feel as though i am the only one not married...the only one without more than one child...the only one who couldnt make it happen...and it belittles me...