he used to call me gal....

the strangest things can bring about sad feelings. i'm sitting in finnegans having breakfast and working this morning when i hear a voice. the sounds, the delivery of the words and the words themselves sound so much like my uncle that if i didnt know better i would have thought it was him. but its not. its a man who looks similar to him with his grey beard and toothpick grinding in his teeth. my uncle died 2 years ago. on a rainy September morning, as i drove to my job....the phone started to ring and the whole world became different. it seems like when i miss one, i miss all of them. my dads brothers have all passed..the saddest for me being my uncle with cerebral palsy. my grandparents are all gone and sometimes i am overwhelmed with the things i wish they could see. my mom lost this brother and for both my parents, i think loss like this must be overwhelming. jb lost his uncle a few weeks ago. and then his lead teacher. i am reminded that i have been experiencing loss since i was very young. the day after my 5th birthday my grandpa was murdered and that loss, even at such a young age has made me hyper vigilant about these types of feelings. i realize too that there are many people my age who dont know this kind of loss and to see them go through it now seems like a double edge sword. when you have loss you become conditioned to it but to live a life without it, must somehow be a wonder....