weathering the storm

i've been thinking about how i got here....not the big prolific "how i got here" but the realistic how i got to this moment question. i have been wanting to write because things are very hard right now. and they have been...and maybe they will continue to be. i've given up all of my vices--no drinking(because i drunk dial), no smoking(because if do i will have a stroke), no emotional eating(because i'm trying to lose weight and improve my health), no denial(because thats how i fucking got here)--so really all i have left is exercise and the thoughts that run through my head. so in trying to find something to comfort me, i need to go back to the only thing that soothes me immediately which is writing. its been two months since all of this change started. 2 months since i ended a nine year relationship. one month since my job came to an end. i felt instant relief when my job was over. i felt calmer and relieved. i still dont feel like that about the relationship. i think i expected to feel ok about it. but i guess that will come with time...and that time isnt right now. its been two months since i started working out 2 hours a day at the gym. i never thought 2 hours would just whip by or that on any given day i can do 7-10 miles of anything. while the weight loss is slow, the exercise makes me feel immediately better. the only day i take off is saturday. at first i had all sorts of motivation but now its become a habit that i dont let myself out of... the weather is changing into winter. the time off--my seclusion has been great. i cant complain at all about it and i'm glad that i have the resources for now to do this. i'm trying to make changes to everything, my home, my body, my thought process and its all going slow. i'm starting to look to the future--not ten years from now but at least next month and onto the spring..because it allows me to set goals and look forward to them.... maybe i'm on my way to becoming a monk...because god knows a convent wouldnt take me...