Since i've been working out everyday for two hours, i had to make a choice today...either do something different or rush back from missoula in order to make it to the gym. so i decided to try my luck at the M. I've hiked the m before but i'm always a little psyched out by it. people run by you going up it and going down. part of the workouts that i'm doing is to conquer the voice in my head...the one that says..i cannot do this...or this shit is soo hard right now...and its for occasions like these. if you had ever asked me if i could work out hard for 3 hrs a day. i would always tell you yes...i could but i never thought i could do it day after day after day....i can do anything once or even more if i can rest. but now the two hours i am doing at the gym (sometimes i do something extra like aerobics at home or yoga or a walk that i dont count toward my totals) fly by.

i know, having run in races, that the work that i do at the gym needs to be adjusted sometimes when outside, like the difference between running on pavement and running on the treadmill.

so i thought the M would be a perfect measure of my increased fitness. i wore the right shoes, i worn jeans and some layers, i brought my ipod...i took a walk before just to loosen up and then i was pumped up to get to the top....until i set foot on the first inch of dirt. from that minute, all i could hear were the voices that tell me, i cant do this, i'm not in shape enough, i'm not good enough yet, i'm going to die. so i put on my ipod. it doesnt really matter the speed of the song as long as it takes me out of my own head. the first part is always the hardest for me. three different times, i thought, i'm gonna turn around and go back down. nobody knows i'm here and nobody will know if i dont finish. but i will know....