you can....

so for all of this time i have really tried to be civil about this whole breakup...somehow civil means to not badmouth or even lay blame or possibly criticize....and deep inside maybe wish for reconciliation or at least friendship....and well, fuck....i'm over that...now...today.... i know that some of you have things that you didnt say out of respect for me...maybe not respect for him but for me you didnt badmouth him...you didnt tell me other things or there were things you assumed i knew....i would ask you as my friends to assume this....that i knew nothing...tell me everything...because as i put all the pieces together....and really i am on the need to know basis right now...it helps me keep perspective...it helps me be real...it helps me stay in the present and not go back to the past...the present says you are exactly where you need to be...the past says maybe i should have done something different .....and right now i am not willing to listen to the past.... its hard to separate myself from the last ten years but the further i delve....the more i know...the more i learn that i was the only one invested...i was the only one who gave a shit....and why should i deny that i am now angry about that? because before i was embarrassed by the fact that i gave all this time, all this love, all this energy to someone who didnt feel the same.....it made me feel stupid for investing everything i had into someone who didnt even let me know who he really was....as i put the pieces together now...i'm starting to see who he was.... in the last post i admitted that i believe in signs...i do and today was full of them...signs that i should have paid attention to...signs that i saw over the last ten years and ignored...signs that are now so obvious that i cant ignore them anymore without admitting my stupidity....fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me....fooling me 3 times makes me stupid....which i just refuse to be. dont be afraid to tell me....because i need to know...spring is here and new life begins....mine yours and everything around us...it doesnt always pay to be polite or considerate of someone who doesnt deserve my loyalty... i need to know...