100 posts

in 100 posts i've said alot and said very little...its been a long 8 months...its been a good time...its sucked some days...but here i am on the other side of winter, writing my 100th post. so some news: 1. yesterday, i ran 8 miles...no shit, 8 miles...did i run every step of it...almost...all told i probably walked 1/2 a mile...it wasnt fast but the route wasnt flat either...i'm prouder yet that on mile 2 i was getting my groove and who should drive by...of course....jb...there i was...RUNNING...ok it looks like jogging but its moving no matter what...and i kept running...so there...it phased me for about 1/2 mile and then i got back on board and did what i was there to do....and i wasnt sore afterward or today...i'm a beast...in a good way.... 2. Never allow somebody to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option. on face book a girl i've known has this in her quote and all i can say is amen sista amen...she's newly single after about 6 years...its hard...i think everybody knows its hard...i am amazed at some of my friends who can walk away from relationships in a positive way and even remain friends with their exs...its a phenomenon that i'm not sure how to accomplish...but certainly admire. it definitely takes two. 3. i'm back to my old volunteering self these days...for so long while i was making someone a priority who was leaving me as only an option, i stopped doing lots of the things i loved...and when it was all over i felt the isolation i had developed. so i'm on a couple of different board of directors for organizations i really care about. i'm volunteering in other communitty things and networking. i'm not networking for jobs or to get something out of it, i'm doing it because i like to meet people, i like to be social and the only way to not be alone where i live is to get myself out into the world... 4. i cant believe how busy we are with everything right now...rose has a million and one things going on..school will be over in a few weeks. i have to go out of town for work that weekend but then summer will be just as busy...i start a contract position for the summer and she starts all her summer camps...maybe we'll be home;) 5. i'm sorting out friendships and how i want them to exist in my life. i dont expect to get everything from everybody....i dont. i know who my friends are for certain things...but the ones i am close to, i expect certain loyalties. the decision is...do i keep a friend who hasnt been loyal or let them go entirely...and if i do keep them...do i keep them as close or move them out to a friend for certain things situation. its not easy...i have cut people out for less but i'm trying to learn to be flexible, forgiving...and in lots of situations i am both of those...because theres lots of things i dont care about...but i do care about being hurt and once you've hurt me and i mean really hurt me...then its more difficult to be those things. 6. its funny someone today said i never cry....and i told them i cry all the time...they didnt believe me....maybe their vision of me is the tough exterior version...but really i cry all the time...things that make me happy...things that make me sad...frustrated...everything....like 2 weeks ago when two parents got in my face...i was so pissed off that i was on the verge of crying...when i see rose run or dance or perform..i cry...when i'm driving down the road and i think of things i cry....late last summer and early fall...i would cry everyday on the way to work and everyday on the way...i was that unhappy about my job, my life everything...just because i dont cry in front of you doesnt mean i dont cry....