bloomsday the A side.

bloomsday was this weekend. i started doing bloomsday a couple of years ago because my friend brian said it might be a cool race to try. the first time, i went with jb, our girls and my friend lyr. we did the race and my friend watched the girls who didnt want to race. it was hard. i didnt know what to expect and i was far more out of shape. so with all the training i'm doing i thought bloomsday fit in perfectly with my schedule. rose is old enough and talented enough to run the whole thing and my friend lyr want to do it too. i was excited and nervous. i've been working up to this distance but in the last two weeks my training has been off. because of the weather and other things. 7.46 miles is not a distance i have ever run...sure i can walk anything but i wanted to be able to run the whole thing. just like i want to run the whole 1/2 marathon...not just walk it...i know it would still be an accomplishment to walk either race...but thats not my goal. as i said in the last post, i was thrown off alittle when i got there. but while i was standing at that start line...i knew i could do it...i knew i could run the whole thing...yes i had something to prove. sometimes, its ok to find motivation in things that hurt us. he hurt me, his words many times told me that i couldnt or he tried to motivate me by being negative and saying he was only trying to help. thats how i got to working out 6 days a week. he told me i didnt try hard enough or i slacked off too much...which is what got me to training for this marathon...and bloomsday. i had something to prove and i've proved it. but to be fair, if it wasnt his voice saying those things, its other peoples voices and sometimes, my own....along the way, i've found out how strong i am. i like working out. i like running and i'm going to keep pursuing this because it makes me feel good. several posts ago i wrote about how i wanted to make things that had been "ours" into new memories. so bloomsday was all of those things. he obviously is doing the same thing.... back to the start line...it was kind of cold but not too bad. i had my gear on...the only thing i really had to conquer was my mind. i made a deal with myself...i had to run until doomsday hill, then i could walk it and run to the end. i wanted to be able to say i ran everything and i had a goal of 1 hour 45 minutes. i didnt have to be superfast as long as i was always running. the first mile was a killer, only because the people hadnt spread out and i couldnt find my pace...then theres a hill which i ran...slowly but i ran it. rose had run off ahead...i encouraged her to run for time because if she ran with me...theres not much she could do for me...i have to do it for myself.... the first four miles were easy....ok maybe not easy but i've done that before so i knew i could. doomsday is about 4.5 miles into the race.i had to walk it...my knees were starting to ache. but i knew that as soon as i got to the top, i'd grab some water and go...and i did. it was a good little break. i knew i would finish. i just had to keep going. at mile 6 i had a stern talk with myself about starting to walk now when i had already come this far....but my knee was aching and i was distracted by the amount of snot in my head. i always run with kleenex or a hankie...this time i only had 2 kleenex which were shreaded and yucky by mile 2 but i kept using them. i used my only option...which was my jacket...thank god its washable...finally at mile 7 i thought i had quite a bit more to go, my knee needed a break and i had to walk....for about 10 steps until i realized...that i was at the corner...the turn that leads you downhill to the finish line.... as i started down the hill, i could hear the people cheering...i almost started to cry...because i was proud of myself...i was happy...i had worked for something and been able to accomplish exactly what i set out to do...on my own... there are lots of things lately, that remind me, when i want to give up....that i'm at that corner...that i can turn it and run to the finish line....on my own...with my own strength and my own body. i landed across the finish line at 1hour and 43 minutes...2 minutes faster than my goal...