configuration....

Sometimes when i start reading a book, i just cant get into it even though i want to. I'm reading the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It wasn't until this paragraph that i was able to meditate on this book. by meditate, i simply mean to focus all my attention to one thing...she's talking about her divorce and why she wont write about the person or the marriage because she cant be unbiased...but she also says this: "Let it be sufficient to say that, on this night, he was still my lighthouse and my albatross in equal measure. The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didnt want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland. " I dont intend to write about jb much here, or at least about him or his actions in depth, because like she says, i cant be unbiased. i'm still at a place where even though its over, i still feel protective of him and loyal to him. but in order to be the person i need to be, i have alot to figure out. its the unthinkable of leaving that kept me so long but the impossibility of staying that pushed me forward. when i think of what i want in my life and how much i am willing to give to get there, i have to be reassured. so many of my friends divorced or left long term relationships in law school. and almost all of them have an incredibly satisfying relationship now with someone new. while many may be on their second marriages in many respects, its their first family. there are many people who can look back and remember the place that i am in right now, knowing that i have no choice but to keep moving. it doesnt always feel like forward it just feels like movement.