lets talk about my weight....

ok not that indepth because well that takes wine, possibly some cigarettes and a reason. but i've now been working out almost three months. i can climb the M. tomorrow i'm going to try to beat my 22 minutes up. but if i dont i wont stress because i'm sick(we went over that already). a few lessons that i've learned. 1. even though i've lost 16lbs, you cant tell. its all in my legs and chest. so dont look because really, you cant tell. and i havent lost a size or anything else. i stand taller because i've located some abdominal muscles...and thats enough of a result for right now... 2. and thats ok, part of this journey is to understand how different people's bodies are. for example a lady at the gym told me she's lost 22 lbs. shes gone from an 18 to a 10. hearing something like that used to frustrate me. now i know i'll get to where i'm going. 3. i weigh myself all day everyday...why you ask? because its kind of fascinating to me to see how much my weight can fluctuate in a day. it gives me perspective. like after i ate a hamburger last night, it was the same weight i woke up to. after i drink a big bottle of water, it can go up 3 lbs...who knows. but whatever i see on the scale at any given time is no longer a deterrent. 4. just like weight watchers, i weigh in on fridays for my "official" weight for the week. 5. i'm happy today that the high weights on any given afternoon used to be the morning starting points. 6. i can beat the voices in my head...the ones that say you cant do this, get off this machine, wouldnt it be nice to go home and put on your jammies? today i did 90minutes on that elliptical machine i used to hate, while i was sick. and wanted to do more.... 7. did you know you can run on that thing? to push myself, i would try to go ask fast as i could go. at one point it said i was going 9.5 miles an hour.... 8.i'm very proud of the fact that i sweat through every single layer i wear to work out every single day...it causes a lot of laundry but so what? 9. i appreciate that there are people who notice whether i'm at the gym or not and that they really cheer me on. i'm not afraid to reveal my numbers because they know where i started and where i'm at and i know the same about them. its like a cult...the secret enbdw weight loss cult. no i'm not going to tell you the numbers. get it in the autobiography. 10. i started all of this because somebody told me that i'd failed before because i wasnt motivated. i dont know about you but whens the last time you methodically ate 1200 calories a day for months? i was motivated but i was also afraid. i'm not afraid anymore. i've announced to the world that i'm trying to lose weight and still whether i succeed is not hinged on your judgment or the person who thought their helpful words would motivate me. those words did motivate me but now i motivate me with an endless number of reasons i want to do this ( there are still no cigarettes or wine so you'll wait.) 11. i used to be an emotional eater and every once in a while i have an emergency doughnut. but i dont make harsh decisions about who i am because of it. like i said i have given up every vice but swearing (which i gave up once for lent and only lasted one day) and self help books (ok and trashy novels and tv shows). in order to get to where i'm going, i have to stop being afraid of things that you'd never imagine i was afraid of. theres alot more coming from that book eat pray love....