Thursday, November 12, 2009

conversations with myself

there are days when i have to challenge myself to be in control... what you ask? i know. for the most part i think (and possibly believe) that people see me as a control freak. and i am. to my exterior life...my house, my job... what i am not in control of is...is my inner dialogue. everyone has one. and i dont seem to know enough people whose inner dialogue tells them they rock. in a mediated and reliable sort of way. lately my inner dialogue has been telling me to back away...to withdraw from people and things i find comfortable. the challenge for me is that my inner dialogue isnt like having your best friend tell you what to do...its more like the flintstones, when on each should fred would have the angel fred and the other should held the devil fred and he had to decide who to listen to. my internal voice is not my friend...it is simply my script...the play i recreate in any number of circumstances. its hard to know that i have this script as much as it as difficult when i wasnt aware of it. because now, i dont trust...before i knew the outcomes, i knew the voice might lead to me to an unhappy place but it was something familiar and comforting. now i dont know how to sift through the dialogue and which voices to hear and which voices to leave...

1 comment:

Bridget said...

my inner voice is my script. I must remember this. especially for the tough days. when I want to give in.

thank you for being so honest.