Monday, May 4, 2009

bloomsday...the fucked up B side.

I think i'm all done being nice...and lets get the fucked up stuff out of the way... i saw him again in spokane washington at the bloomsday race. i have to go 2 states away to come within 4 feet of him. i knew he was around i could feel it. i was hoping with 50,000 other people there i wouldnt see him...whats the chance? but as we were leaving the race checkin, there he was coming down the hall. he said hello to my friend. not to me. my friend claims that he said hello to jb first. it doesnt matter. jb made a point of saying hello to my friend who was furthest away from him and not even looking at me (who was less than 4 ft aways from him). it threw me off. and made me feel sad. and then pissed me off.... my friend even asked if i wanted to go home. hell, no! i trained for this race and even having the inconsiderate bastard be there wasnt going to ruin that. if anything, it made me want to run more...faster, the whole race. anger is a terrifying motivator. it took me awhile to shake it all off. most of the night. i didnt want to run into him anymore. i hoped he wasnt in the same color group as me. i ran all of the ickiness in my mind....and we were getting on the hotel elevator...rose saw him get off the elevator next to us...he was in the same fucking least, as far as i know, he wasnt on the same floor. but i also had a feeling who he was with...he was with his ex-girlfriend. the woman he cheated on me with in round one! she's the mother of his daughter and he always seems to run back to her. i cant be sure that he didnt cheat on me again during round 2. she used to call him drunk in the middle of the night telling him how much she loved him and to come get her....and for all i know, when i wasnt around...he probably i said several posts ago, the more i find out about what he was doing while we were together, the more i find out that he certainly wasnt committed to me and probably not faithful either. if theres ever a real motivator to move on...its that whole situation. if its not his bromance with his "best friend", its his on going romance with the mother of his daughter. do i know that they arent "just friends"? no but do i need to know? no because i wouldnt believe it anyway with all the lies already laid out. and a little hint that women want to share with men...if you're going to cheat...step up....cheat with someone one hotter, smart, richer, thinner ....something....but dont backslide...because it makes you look like the asshole you already are....but are trying to pretend you arent...i hope it works out for him with her this time...

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