Wednesday, May 6, 2009

what the hell do i keep doing?

So i'm fortunate to have a lot of good support. What i mean by that is that there are people out there, who maybe i consider more acquaintances than friends, who cheer me on whenever i see them. today i ran into one of those women. we talked about my race, we briefly talked about the drama and then she talked me into doing a triathlon relay....what the hell? i'm so excited and proud of myself for running the whole bloomsday race that i feel like i should just keep making bigger plans...crazier plans...plans that fall into the category of "things skinny girls do". thats really the demon i wrestle with sometimes. even if you dont consciously think it, theres lots of voices in your head and mine that say....i'm too heavy to do that...she's too heavy to do that...thats stuff skinny girls do, not me...well i thought that way too...sometimes i still think that way. but i showed myself differently. i can run a whole race. i was self conscious in running especially running along side of mr. superfit. so when i started running this time, i really thought about what will make me comfortable, confident, available to do this kind of thing. first i bought the shoes. when i tried to start running in october, my shoes werent big enough so i had a blue toenail on each foot. then i tried to find the right sports bra or something that wouldnt make me feel the jiggle. i like to watch the biggest inspires me...sometimes in a positive way and sometimes in a negative way...and by negative i mean, i see some of those women who weigh more than i do, sometimes by 100 lbs and i think if that woman can haul her ass around that track so can you....but i kep thinking how do they get over the ever distracting i researched it...they use "compression garments" also known as girdles...those bike shorts they wear are superlycra so that they dont jiggle. everything stays together. and i thought well i have a couple of i tried them and it was amazing...not only does it help me from being self conscious, it also helps me hold a better posture and contract my abs while running. i told my sister in law that one day when she has some overweight woman come to her about running...she can tell her the secret to running is a girdle...really... so my friend who is a swimmer and i are trying to plan a triathlon...all we need is a biker...and we're in...i could bike but i'd have to buy one... so 8 months ago, i was an super unhealthy unhappy woman who needed to pull my life together, transfuse the bad with the good and get on with my i am working out 5-6 days a week, running 12k races and training for a 1/2 marathon. i'd like to say that an enormous amount of weight has come off but it hasnt...but i feel happier, i am healthier and have a mental ability i didnt know i whats a triathlon in the mix or even a marathon by september...theres nothing (and no one) telling me i cant...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i just ordered my brand new road bike yesterday. When's the race and how long and do you already have somebody to bike?