Monday, May 25, 2009

shiny happy nothing

its been a few weeks. as usual, theres a lot to tell and really nothing. i'm up to running 10 miles at a time for the long run. yeah yeah...its losing a little of its glimmer...i have to find ways to keep it shiny, i guess... i went out the other night and met a very nice man. he certainly makes the short go round but he's got his own situation to deal with right now...its just nice to know that sometimes someone will show up just in time to give you alittle hope. i've heard about him from my friends who thought we should meet. it gave me a little hope but i dont know how long lasting.... because i think part of what is losing its glimmer is me....for a while i've felt very confident, very ballsy...and believing that the world that i want could be mine...and maybe its just an off week or so but i dont feel like that. i feel like no matter how how hard i wish and and want and work...i'm not sure i'll ever get there. i'm not sure how hard i try to do the right thing and not go back into the past, the future is ever coming. because, well...i'm waiting...believe me, i know the future is right now just like right now, its the past. but in a moment like this it feels like its all standing still hanging there and there is no place to go to find what i'm looking for.

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