crystal clear

there are moments that define us....so much so that as they are happening, we know that in this moment, our lives will change. i had that moment last night. i am still reflecting on it today. connections arent broken just because we want them to be. we have to deny them and pretend they dont exist. until....maybe....they dont... i am confused. sad. happy. mired in the depths of illusion and truth. nothing is easy. even non-decision isnt easy...it is painful and emotionally expensive. i'm not even sure i can cover the debt of that expense....