Tuesday, April 7, 2009

quick random drive-by posting

yesterday makes it seven months....i'm better, not over it, but better. the thoughts are more fleeting and temporary, even the good ones and i'm moving on. its been difficult but i'll be honest and say that i thank him for not answering when i call. i'm glad that he can be strong enough to stay away (maybe its not strength...maybe thats truly what he wants...either way) because i know, he knows, shit you know...that he wont give me what i want. and i deserve what i want. do i wish him well right now? maybe...but i'm angry and the more i find out the angrier and sadder i get about it...but it passes quickly and i get on with my life. rose had her first track meet yesterday...that kid is incredible...always tries her hardest...always puts in the work to really improve...shes a good example to me.... next week, i start coaching softball again. i liked coaching the 12 year olds. it was the 14 year old girls that put me over the edge. so it should be fun.... i'm glad to have had the last 6 months on a leisurely schedule...because spring promises none of that. theres a race in a month. i've found someone to train me for the 1/2 marathon in july. i did my first outdoor, training scheduled work out today. and i felt good about it. i appreciate the days when i can appreciate what my body can do. i've got more cases coming in to my private practice and am finishing more with my judgeship. all prove to be exciting. powwow season is starting and i have been sewing and creating pretty consistently. i'm back in a cleaning mood...not like wall washing but cleaning house, getting rid of things, passing stuff onto other people who need or will appreciate it more. today i gave a gift that had been given to me several years ago onto my cousin who i know will put it to good use. its not just the strength of out of sight out of mind with those kind of reminders but i feel ready to let some of them go...and i'm glad. my social schedule is starting to fill up...not with dates...i'm still not comfortable with that but just with getting out with my friends, having fun, laughing and being around people that i enjoy.
next week i'm giving a talk at the law school about what i've been doing....what i've been doing is falling down ten times and getting up eleven.
on the subject of dates...when you suggest someone to me...please tell me why you think we'd like each other...a couple of people have suggested guys that i have nothing in common with except being single...believe me...its not enough...that doesnt mean i wont get to know them but i want someone who makes me laugh, who is kind and generous, and can balance the chasm between selfishness and selflessness. someone who values family and culture and who would feel just as comfortable drinking a bud light at the silver dollar as a martini at a dc reception...because thats the kind of stuff i do and goes along with my work and life....powwow and rodeo would be an added bonus:) ok i think thats a list you can all work off of.... remember to wave at me when i run by you....

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