Sunday, November 16, 2008

Lost dreams

As a general rule, my dreams (the ones when i'm sleeping) are pretty tame. I'm that girl who dreams about folding laundry and stuff. But i can honestly say i havent slept well in at least a year. progressively my dreams have gotten weirder or stray from the laundry/house cleaning theme. So when i have dreams that are more involved or scary or whatever, i pay attention. I have had lots of intuitive dreams. Lately i've been having dreams about snakes. they are scary but its also interesting because there is always this one small bright lavender snake in each dream. some of these snakes are king kong size snakes, differenct colors and while i'm supposed to feel threatened, i'm not panicked. the same person is always in these dreams but i cant figure out the overall message. anyway this has been going on for about 3 weeks. if i feel the need to analyze my dreams its usually more about whats happening to the people in them than what i see. there are also only a few people that i have a strong intuitive connection to so when i have a dream about them i pay attention. the person in the snake dreams is one of those but it seems that the snakes are a the highlight and he is just a background figure. when i was working as a public defender, i would work cases in my sleep. i would feel half awake and i would be restless because of some case coming up or something i couldnt figure out. one night i remember working several cases in my sleep and i was excited about the results, only to hear my office manager say "do you want me to type those up?" when i heard her voice i remembered thinking "shit, these arent real cases, i just spent half of what little sleep i get working on imaginary cases." the anxiety would cause me to have breakthroughs though, like the time, i realized, in my sleep, that all of the witnesses to a case i had were tribal and wouldnt have to answer the subpoenas issued to them. i remember shortly after getting my license to practice i had a dream about missing my contracts exam. contracts is a law school class taken first semester of your first year. when i initially started practicing, i asked my dad when the anxiety dreams go away...he said, "they go away?!?" which since he's been in practice over 30 years wasnt all that comforting. i've dreamt about dead people, live people, people i dont know but met later and everything in between. i once was at a writers retreat and this ghost kept coming to me in a dream. i always said he looked like the indian elvis. i asked him what he wanted so that he would leave me alone. he told me. i said if i make that offering tomorrow, you have to leave me alone. i did and so did he. i dont write dreams down, lots of times i still remember them. i had a dream about sharks when i was five and i still remember that dream clearly. a dream i had when my grandfather died, i still theres lots of stuff trapped in my mind. but i've never had dreams like these. a few nights after i started this blog, i had a dream about all the topics i should write about. it was hazy and now all i can remember is that i'm supposed to write something about lemon-lime. all of the other ideas were really good but the lemon-lime thing is all i can recall now. really, thats all i remember...there will be some topic about lemon-lime. because of the snake miniseries i seem to be having, i decided to start writing down the main elements of my dreams when i remember them in a little book. the first night of the snake dreams, i woke up and wanted to remember but wasnt fully awake. i grabbed a pen and scribbled 6 words on a magazine next to my bed. i would have forgotten that this was a miniseries if i hadn't moved that magazine the other day and saw those words. maybe the conclusion to the miniseries is coming...maybe a lavender snake is in my future....

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